honestly.

Posting this from my phone. Sorry for lack of updates, but I’ve had Mono since February. And it sucks. I hope to be well enough to write a real post soon.

Which is probably more than what you’d care to know about me! I once did a 100 things about me on an old blog … back in 2001, but yeah, that’s way too much information. *laughs*

1. I sleep with a baby blanket. I have since I was a kid. My grandpop used to tease me that I was going to take the blankie on my honeymoon, well, guess what? I did. I sleep with it on my ear and draped over my eyes (sleeping masks hurt my head) so I don’t have problems with lucid dreaming. I cannot sleep without it and will get a shirt, towel, pillowcase if I don’t have it.

2. I eat applesauce with almost every dinner.  Not with pizza or tacos. But pretty much everything else.

3. I have a lot of phobias, including: the dark, elevators, heights, bridges, flying and shopping malls. (And more, but I won’t list all of them – lol)

4. My favorite color is blue, but if you ask Jack he’ll tell you it’s pink.

5. I love the ocean ~ especially the shores of Florida where the sands are like powdered sugar.

6. I love to color, even if no one colors with me. Jack and I used to color together when we were dating in college. I was voted best colorer in my family. I learned from my mom.

7. I collect (or want to collect) gnomes, nutcrackers and Stormtroopers.

8. I love making photo manipulations ~ but haven’t done so in quite some time. Here is a sample:

click to see a larger version

9. I am fluent in sarcasm.

10. I am fascinated with history, especially English history. And French. Being related to the 1st Earl of Norfolk makes it all the better.  I love medieval up to 19th century. Favorites include: Tudors, Stuarts, French Revolution, Regency and Victorian. I also love the Gilded Age of New York ~ early 1900s and Colonial America.

11. Autumn is my favorite season. October is my favorite month (quite possibly because it contains my birth date!)

12. Beets are my absolute favorite vegetable (and pretty much the only vegetable I like).

13. I love SpongeBob and randomly quote lines from the show on a regular basis. Everything in life can relate to SpongeBob. Really.

14. I haven’t had popcorn in about 10 years. My body rejects it horribly everytime I eat it.

15. I suck at math; on an epic scale. They placed me in a Basic Math class in college, which basically is 3rd grade math. I did get an A in that class though.

16. I like Big Time Rush.

17. I love trees. Birch, Aspen and Palm are favorites.

18. (Are you bored yet? This is taking me a really long time! Apparently, I’m not really all that interesting!)

19. I was suspended from gym class in the 10th grade for smacking a boy. In my defense, he was saying really nasty things to me because I sucked at volleyball. I told him to shut up and he said, “make me” … so I smacked him. He smacked me back! I was more stunned than hurt. We were both suspended for 2 days and that helped develop my extreme hatred of volleyball.

20. When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina or a figure skater. I had one ballet class and was a snowflake in Sleeping Beauty (I think? Maybe it was Cinderella – hey, I was 7). But I have never been ice skating. I always wanted to skate pairs in the Olympics.

21. I can swallow 11 pills at once. (Yes, it was because I was taking a bunch of vitamins at the same time).

22. I love 80s new wave music ~ Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, New Order, The Cure, etc.

23. I love the Legend of Zelda games. My favorite is Ocarina of Time.  The only one I’ve ever actually played is A Link to the Past on the gameboy. But I love watching my kids play and the music is beyond awesome. Thank you, Koji Kondo!

24. I’m a little on the intolerant side. (noise, crowds, doctors, etc.) My mom says I get it from my Gram.

25. My favorite book of the Bible is Job.

26. I use the word “dude” too much, I blame Jack and the kids.

27. I have been to 33 of our 50 states.

28. My favorite movie of all time is The Princess Bride. I’ve seen it more times than I can count. But I do love quoting from Monty Python & The Holy Grail better. (You’ve got NO ARMS!)

29. I like a wide variety of music, but do not like country or rap.

30. I won a burping contest my freshman year in college. I can belch like a man. *grins*

Wow, that was incredibly difficult. It took me an hour and a half to come up with those 30 simple things! Now you have more information than you could ever want about me. Trust me, there isn’t much more.

I’ve been meaning to post this for awhile, but haven’t been able to do it. I had a dream last night that we brought Tammy back to life ~ I guess that was my cue.

My sister-in-law, Tammy, died on October 1, 2011 as a result of injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident. She was 41. And my husband’s only sibling.

Tammy was one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. She loved her God, her family, her church and her “kids”. She was a teacher for 17 years. She never married or had children of her own, but she always said that she was with kids all day, why would she want to come home to more? But she was a very dedicated teacher and had love and compassion for those kids. Working in an inner city school district had some very *trying* moments, but she always handled herself with integrity and dignity.

We were partners in crime in the war on teasing Jack. If you know Jack, you know he loves to tease ~ I had to have someone in my corner and Tammy was it. She made me feel welcome and accepted me as her own sister when Jack and I got married. Things were difficult at first, but Tammy was the peacemaker, the balm. When Jack and I had our “rough patch” and were separated, Tammy tried her best to smooth things over on both sides. And I never got to tell her how sorry I was that I didn’t accept her friendship during that time. She never outwardly judged me and always tried to be kind and Godly. I never got to tell her how much that I, now, appreciate that. And how much I loved her.

She loved my kids like they were hers. She took pride in everything that they did and from what I’ve heard, she talked about them quite a bit. One of the things the kids have to treasure is a stuffed puppy ~ at some point she bought each of her nephews & nieces a stuffed dog, I don’t know if it was on purpose (I think by the time Jaylen came around it was on purpose!) but they each have a stuffy they can love from Tammy. The kids all have fantastic memories of spending time with Tammy ~ who loved to poke, tickle and hug them. Jonah said, “Who’s going to call me ‘bug’ now?” No one. That was Tammy’s thing, no one can replace that.

Losing Tammy still doesn’t feel real. I remember the games we played when Jesse was little (when he was the only child we had) and how much we laughed. Tammy had a great laugh. And of course then I would laugh just because she was laughing and then neither of us could breathe. I remember hanging out with her at her Creative Memories parties and crops and the time she took me shopping and I dragged her to a hundred stores to find the perfect black skirt. She never complained. Swimming and playing cards at Grandma & Grandpa’s house. Christmas, birthdays, Easter. And other memories that I can’t even think of right now.

Tammy, I love you and I miss you. I hope to be half the person you were. See you soon.

Tammy with her nieces and nephews ~ taken 2 weeks before her accident.

WOODTV8 coverage of Tammy’s accident
Tammy’s obituary

Aack! The apocalypse is coming. Or should I say, FINALLY! Get me outta this place, have you seen this year’s Presidential Candidates? Ok, enough of that.

Yes, 2O12 and my post is rather late and dear me, it’s been over a month since my last one. I’m not very good at updating this blog am I? Ah well. Such is life.

I do not make resolutions, possibly because I have a negative outlook on things and I am convinced that if I make them, I will not keep them. I do have some goals that I’d like to see accomplished and I feel better about saying “I have a goal” than “I have a resolution” .. I don’t know why. It just is more realistic, I suppose.

So. Goals.

#1) Finish a freaking novel, already! I have so many starts … a couple middles and absolutely NO ends. *sigh* This irritates me. I cannot call myself a writer, not really, until I have completed something, right? Sure, I’ve written more poems than I can imagine, but then I’d have to consider myself a poet, right? Regardless, I don’t feel like a real writer. If I were to tell someone I was a writer, they’d naturally ask what I’ve written. *white face* What would I say? Oh, well, nothing. Then how am I a writer? I’m digressing. Back to the goal, finish a novel. I have one with almost 3K words that I’m happy with, so we’re going with that one to finish. I want to finish it so badly, but everytime I sit down to write the words don’t flow. I have it in my brain … it won’t jump out into the computer. It will come, right? I just want the shell of it done, just the first draft … not perfection (I’ve already given up on that). I think that’s a reasonable goal.

#2) Sew something! I bought myself a sewing machine a few years ago and I’ve only used it a handful of times. I made a couple tops for Jaylen, pillow covers for my brother, bandanas … and attempt at making Jordan a skirt. I have skads of patterns. But my mom got me a “One Yard Wonders” book that I’m excited about – lots of ideas of things to make that you only need one yard of fabric. However, the project I want to work on, I will need more than one yard because I want to make more than what the pattern makes. (Does that make sense? And how many times can I use the word “make” in one paragraph? Apparently several.) My second goal is to make something with my sewing machine. That should be an easy goal to accomplish, I’m setting my standards low … just sew ONE thing.

#3) Read 52 books and finish Anna Karenina. Pretty straightforward. One book per week. I’m already behind, but summertime I can definitely catch up.

And that’s it. For now. I don’t want to set too many goals because I am easily overwhelmed. If I can achieve these little goals, hopefully it will make me feel better about achieving some slightly more difficult ones (like actually publishing a book! *yikes*)

I have no health goals for this year. None. I’m learning to “live with it.” Oh on a good note, though, I have found that Bentyl has been helping my IBS quite a bit. I’m not on any special diet either.

So, there you go. Hope 2O12 is a great year for you.

PS. I’m very excited about the London Olympics.

I very rarely discuss religion or politics, however, I will discuss the Great Pumpkin! Although, this post isn’t about the Great Pumpkin. It’s about religion. Sort of.

With any group of people with a common interest, you’re going to have fanatics. Everything from Black Friday Shoppers to Video Gamers. Same holds true for religious sects, Christianity being no exception.

There are some extreme zealots masquerading under the name “Christian,” but I don’t believe them to be Christians at all. Religious, yes. Christian, no. Self-righteous, pompous beasts that bring a really bad name to true Christians like me. And I am embarrassed they consider themselves Christ-Like.

I am not a conservative Christian nor liberal; I’m a “walking-down-the-road-with-Jesus-feeding-the-poor” type of Christian. I’m not a bible-thumper and I will never preach or force my beliefs on anyone. I have a set of morals and ethics that I believe are true just like anyone else does, but I don’t bring public ridicule upon myself in exercising my right to have them.

I truly believe God doesn’t approve of the crazy zealots and is quite possibly annoyed with them ~ using His name and all. They certainly aren’t showing His love or mercy.

John 3:17 says that God did not send His son into the world to CONDEMN it, but to save it. So, fellow Christians, please don’t be pompous beasts. Be a lighthouse not a guillotine. Shine on, my friends.

Please remember that this is my blog and I retain the right to post whatever beliefs I may have, respect that, even if you disagree with me.

Jack and I were married on November 19, 1994. I was barely nineteen and he was almost twenty-two. We met at college. He likes to joke that we met on the “internet”, actually we met in the computer lab because he was poking fun at my last name (my maiden name is Vile … yes, really.) and I called him a freak.

I remember thinking one day if the man I was going to marry was attending college with me and I happened to watch Jack bounce past and I thought, oh please don’t let it be Jack Miller. He hadn’t left a great impression on me after attacking my last name. Ha. Obviously, I changed my mind about him.

I will not go into details about our marriage. The past is the past and that’s where it shall remain ~ we are shaped by the things that happen. Let’s just say it was 50-50 … 50% good and 50% bad. That’s a general statement for the first 10 years of our life together. Ok, maybe it was more 60-40, but in any case, it wasn’t wedded bliss. There were many factors in this and we were both equally to blame. That’s not to say we didn’t love each other, we just didn’t know HOW to love each other the right way.

We were separated in April 2004 and in May 2005 we divorced. However, God had other plans for our life; just when we thought we were rid of each other! In October 2005 we began “courting” and in January 2006 we remarried.

Life was better, but not the wedded bliss I’d hoped for. I knew we were doing the right thing, however, by getting remarried; I had no qualms whatsoever about that. Marriage is work, people, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.

I think it was in 2007 when we moved into our current home that things began to improve. We’d both read Love & Respect a couple times (separately and together) and it really put into perspective how differently men and women feel about life, love and relationships and how to better communicate. Once you accept that and once you accept that the only way to improve something is to work on YOURSELF, only then can life work the way it’s supposed to. YOU cannot change someone else, they have to want to change themselves. And no one is complete or perfect, we all need work – continuously … there’s no end to it. But it’s worth it.

Jack is my best friend in the entire world, I would most certainly be lost without him. He’s my sanity and my security blanket and most importantly, my partner in crime. We are nothing alike, you probably couldn’t find two more different personalities than ours, but somehow it works (most of the time anyway! ) He’s a hard-worker, can fix anything and is great fun to be with. He is understanding and sympathetic when I have my fibro or ibs flares and generally really CARES about me. He’s a good dad and tries hard to do the right thing.

Neither of us are faultless and we still have our occasional disagreements (especially since we do have such conflicting personalities. ) but they are resolved quickly. We had to “pass through the fire” or “get pruned” (pick an analogy, there are lots) to get to this point. There was a great deal of hell we went through, I can’t say I’d really want to do it all over again, but I’m thankful it happened so that we are now the people we are today. Loving each other the way we’re supposed to be. Love is a decision, you have to choose each day to love and respect your spouse otherwise how would it be unconditional?

We still celebrate our original anniversary, not that our second marriage is unimportant, but our original commitment is what really matters – it’s what brought us together as Mr. & Mrs. Jack Miller, Jr. in the first place. So, Happy 17th Anniversary honey (a little early!), I love you to the moon and back.

Life is good.